I scrubbed at the sticky streaks of blood with the cold stream water and the monster soap, the crazy lady beside me doing the same. At day’s end the water had taken on the most beautiful greenish-blue. It was almost enough to make me smile, but I had just been INSIDE A DEER and was grumpy.
She stripped off her dress and nonchalantly washed it as well. As I stole a glance at her naked self, I was pained that she was beautiful. It is this way for women; there seems to be a limited amount of beauty to be had and if someone has more than you, then you were ripped off. I wondered why she didn’t leverage that body in the world which would heartily reward her shape? Put a bikini on her, take her to my country club, and watch the well-heeled CEO’s begin to circle. She would be wearing Prada by the end of the day.
With a shock I realized that I was beginning to hate her. Yes, hate. That’s what jealousy is, I guess, a form of hatred. A sob crawled up my throat and I tried to swallow it down. What resulted was an embarrassing sort of hiccup-cough explosion. She turned to me and read more in my eyes than I wanted her to. She gathered her clean dress and wrung it out and handed it to me.
“Go put this on, it’ll dry quickly if you stand in front of the hearth. Give me your soiled one.”
I self-consciously stripped off my bloody dress and handed it to the naked Aphrodite, donning the wet one in its place. I turned to go.
“Dear one, everything is on purpose. Everything. We have no way of tracing the reasons of God, but it will have been the very best for us in the end. Every suffering, every gift, every moment dull or thrilling, it will be masterfully worked into this cohesive whole which we will one day shout for joy over if we know Him. Otherwise, it will be our greatest sorrow, a senseless pile of patches never connected, some good, some horrid, do you understand?”
“Oh shut up!”, I screamed, startling both of us. Her words had emptied me out, like what she did to those squirrels and that deer. I had no desire to bleed out. She, and I just can’t get over this, she smiled so tenderly, like I’d just told her I loved her rather than to shut her yapping mouth.
“Alleluia”, she said as she finished scrubbing out the dress and had slipped it over her head, “Let’s get inside quick, the bears will be around with all that blood about. Remind me to secure the root cellar on our way up. Lord, what a day You’ve given!” She scurried up the bank with the energy of a five year-old.
I really wish she’d act normally. Any other person would have put on a grieving, offended air, but not her. I am at a loss how to interact with her, because I don’t know how to control her. Wow. That’s it, isn’t it. I like to control people, manipulate their responses, find their weaknesses and leverage those. I even flirted with married men for promotions. Who am I kidding, I did worse than that.
Good grief, what am I doing? I stomped my foot. I have no need to dissect my actions; I did what I had to do to get where I am today.
Where are you?
I spun around at the voice. I was alone. Oh, crap. I need to get home before I go completely mad. Where am I? Whatever. I am in a hippy’s cabin in the woods and I’m leaving at first light; that’s where I am, disembodied creepy voice!
to be continued…..